No relationship is perfect….NONE!!!! Don’t fool yourself, if you aren’t bickering, snapping, quarreling every now and again somebody is lying, and clearly not saying how they truly feel. Nobody is perfect so clearly we will disagree at times.
I have been married now for 5 years and my husband and I were college sweethearts, going on some ten years now, and trust me he knows how to really get under my skin, (my skin, my hair, my fingernails). Of course that doesn’t mean I don’t love him to pieces, yup love him so much I wanna kill him sometimes…lol
When I was about twenty-one I read the book, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, written by American author, and relationship counselor, John Gray.
That book changed my life; it gave me such perspective on the male female psyche. The book highlighted how women think so much differently from men. Essentially women are emotional thinkers and men are problem solvers.
It made me a better girlfriend and now an awesome wife if I might say so myself… (Omar may think differently…lol). What I eventually learned was that Omar was an ‘individual’ like I am and his ideas will most times be different from mine and I can do two things…PUT UP or SHUT UP, its obvious what I decided to do huh…*smh*. Before I read this book we use to have intense, long drawn out quarrels about every and any little thing, It could have been the book that helped decrease that or I just got OOOld and tired of the drama *roll ma yeye*
|My Yute RUNNN!!!|
Every relationship is different and everybody’s level of tolerance for rubbish varies, some tolerance is higher than others. Some women can handle their man cheating and two timing them constantly, know their man is doing it and always make a scene and be the “mad gyal” that she will be labeled after she publicly attack the “horner woman” (eastern Caribbean slang) or the “bunna gyal”. This I have seen constantly and heard of so many times. Most people can relate and may even know one or two women who is constantly cussing some girl or the other to leave her man alone, or fighting with said man ALL the blooming time over his whereabouts and activities.
|Pay back is B@&%h|
Then there is the woman, who you think MUST know this man is cheating and doing all sort of things on the road and yet she seems utterly OBLIVIOUS I mean completely clueless, no clue, no hint, not a bite on the line. I mean I never really know for sure if they know ( cuz mi naaw ask) but they seem to be in a little bubble. I always assume that they just cannot bother to deal with the drama and just ignore it and hope it goes away. The other thing is it may be that they have resigned to the fact that their man cheats and he is doing the deed and once it does not come home she’s good with it, which ever ways the coin falls it usually seems as if this kinda woman copes better with the infidelity. Ignorance is BLiss I say.
You then have the woman who is openly accepting, they know their man/husband is cheating or has cheated and the world knows to because there is a little bundle of sex that is left behind, a child. This woman will go to counseling, work through her emotions, accept the infidelity ( in as much as you can “accept” something like that) and work to build back her life and her trust for her husband. This woman is admirable and quite a few woman choose this route. When you are married and in this situation, the saying “what’s yours is mine” is exercised fully, the husbands outside child means wife’s new child, oh lordy lord. This is a tough situation, because as the woman in this new paradigm you are viewed as an idiot for staying or strong for making it seem to work. Your business, do you.
If you watch “The Game” on BET Melanie and Derwin is in such similar relationship and Janay, Derwins baby mama, makes no apologies for making things quite unbearable at times. It Sticky, Sticky baaad.
|An episode with Janay, Derwin and Melanie|
And there is the “Woman scorned” they will tell the world and plan, and scheme and plan and scheme to make sure that that man pays with every pore in his body, every hair on his head. She will bleach his clothes, key the car, put hair removal in his shampoo, BBM Broadcast naked pictures of the bunna gyal, use his toothbrush as a toilet brush, you name it this woman will do it. She is blind with rage and hurt and anger and who can blame her. She has been embarrassed and shamed and her life has been turned upside down… Good luck to the poor sod that has to deal with Miss Lady…*smh*
The things that women put up with is unspeakable at times, and some men can be real S.O.B’s, they seem to be like children when they make stupid decisions that leads to huge problems that places the whole family in turmoil who now has to deal with the whole mess. At times they even leave the wifes for the “ooman a road” and these ‘other’ oomen walk streets with their heads still held high.
SHAME ON YOU, I say, SHAME SHAME SHAME ON YOU…that is no way to treat your fellow sisters, that’s no way to set an example for your child, or niece, SHAME ON YOU. Leave peoples men alone, let peoples family strive, change your perspective, have some dignity and pride in yourselves as a woman. Think about if the shoe was on the other foot
And women we should stop making excuses for sorry cases we call men, boys who say they are man, we women are all old enough to know what a real man is like, even if it is a fairytale fantasy of a knight in shining armor, I can never remember sitting under my guava tree in Sav as a child and day dream about a man who will disrespect me and ruin my reputation. I know for me, and many others, we wanted a wonderful man. When did that change, when did our standards get lowered, when did we throw away what we should have gotten and have now ‘settled’ for RUBBISH, WHEN!!??
Compromises are always made but not only by us the women, compromise takes two. One thing that has worked for me and my husband over the years is a equal partnership (where I am boss *big grin*) respect and honestly are never a compromise, without a doubt we have our issues but we have never lied about our feelings, we might be slow in expressing them but it is always said.
|Ignorance is Bliss|
I say ALL that to say this, you are not perfect and neither is your man, your life is yours to live so live it they way you want, whether your an ‘accepting woman’, a ‘loud and boisterous mad gyal’ or a ‘see it for what is lady’, do you and F*&K the world. You and you alone will be looking back at you in the mirror and asking yourself the hard questions. For me, I know life is never what you plan it to be, ( I can write about failed life plans for days) but take my foolish advice, admit to yourself something is not right, make a decision and stick to it, tell as little person as you possibly can and feed the need for vengeance. That might sound horrid but you will feel better after you just let go and do what you want, go ahead and switch the granulated sugar for salt, it will make yah feel betta.
Finally… and most importantly pray and let it go! Getting a grasp of your spiritual side will help with your decisions. Good Luck and speak the truth….Ethnic Truth
Sources: from real women which I shall call……Accepting Woman, Woman Scorned and Bunna Gyal